Stupid, dumb, lazy, good for nothing, unmotivated...the list goes on and on. Words that when spoken to our children in a heated moment, a moment of lost control, that can never be taken back. The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice - negative words, names or statements only tell them that they are those things - always, only say positive things. If you have nothing positive to say, say nothing, if you wouldn't disrespect, speak those words or in that tone to a stranger - why would you do it to the one you love the most, your child. Ask them, help them identify, and then validate the feeling behind the negative behavior, and lovingly redirect. No matter what we tell our children to DO - they will only remember what we have said to them about their choices, their actions, and themselves - choose those words very carefully, for from those words will be formed - the adult your child is to become. INSTEAD USE POSITIVE WORDS, AND THAT IS WHAT HEY WILL BECOME.
If you want a child to show you respect, show respect to them first. Respect their need for space and time to do the things that are important to them, respect their need to think and make age appropriate decisons for themselves, respect that they are not you and will think and want things different than you. If you want a child to make good decisions, let them make their own decisions, say nothing about the bad ones - this is how they will learn, and commend the good their good decisions enthusiastically, no matter how small. For it is from those small successes and our positive encouragement, that they will grow, and your child will become all that they can be.
Want to know how to avoid the the dreaded teenage years? Start young, start building a reciprocal trust and respect relationship with your kids from the start. Communicate...more to come.
Julie L Gibson-Vasquez The Proactive Parenting Coach